and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
