4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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