I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
