Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
