Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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