no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
