trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
