i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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