guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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