I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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