3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
