There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
