That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are we still banned from the library?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
