Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
