3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
