my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
