just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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