judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
