I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
