OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
