the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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