Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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