the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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