So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
