Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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