Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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