You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
