So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
