Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
