help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
