I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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