ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
