Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
