He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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