Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
