I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
