he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We named our party play list daddy issues
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He shit in the fireplace
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
