So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
