so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
