I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm at about main and main street
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
