I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
