Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I only lived at night.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
