i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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