she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
