I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
