A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
