I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
