I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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