She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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