Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
