Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
